The Underdog Triumphs

Monday, October 31, 2005

Getting Back on the Horse

I did a brave thing.

I posted a personal ad on Craigslist.

It was the typical "Nice Jewish girl seeks nice Jewish boy to spend time with going to cultural events, drinking wine, listening to live music, etc. etc." The responses were varied--let us meet the contenders shall we?

The Ashton Kutcher
greetings fellow Heeb, i definitely think I'm lookingfor the same thing you are and hopefully when all is said and done we can have dinner and go from there. I;m 23( don't delete cause im 23, im way stable and pretty mature)
He sent a picture of himself working out and it was titled, I kid you not, "Bicep."

The Anti-Semite
If I fuck you do I get the bag of gold hanging around your neck?

Master Hoo: The Jew Fucker
....I have fucked so many slutty Jewish girls silly that I consider myself an expert at it.
Pic for pic, and you too can have my dick. I love that Jewish moan.... :)
Mstr hoo

I didn't know we had a special moan--we must ad a throaty "Cha" to it.

The Closer
27/m/Chicago. Pharmaceutical Sales Rep. Jewish. Attached is my pic. Please send yours.

The Redundancy
I'm also a Heeb and I happen to live in Evanston. I'm 42, single, no kids, never been married. I do a lot of bicycling and I swim at a health club during the colder months.
Sounds too similar to someone I already know...and 42, c'mon, find someone in your own generation.

The Compensator
Hi my name is Noah and I live in Evanston. I am successful, own my own home and take care of myself.
Mazel Tov!

The Possibility
....I am definitely part of the tribe! :) I am 6'2 180, brown hair, green eyes, I would say fairly intelligent (everyone has their moments) :) and I am an artist.
Mmm...a humorous, tall, artsy Jew...we'll have to see about this one...



Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Sometimes it's Hard to be a Woman

There are many reasons why it sometimes sucks to be a woman. The more well known arguments include giving birth, monthly hormonal upheaval, earning 75 cents to every dollar a penis makes, under-garments and cosmetics are a rip off-- but today it's hard to be a woman while shopping for tires.

I was actually unsure I even needed new tires--last week after the tune up the guy told me my tires were bad and quoted me $89 per tire and $80 labor. I politely passed and said, "Maybe next month." I had a feeling I was being taken. I called my dad to ask the average price of tires and how do you know when you need new tires. He called a discount place 45 minutes away, their quote: $275. So, now at least I had a base price to search for.

I did my own investigating in my neighborhood. I got quotes in the upper 300 dollar range-one asshole even said, "and we highly suggest an alignment, that will run $99.95." I say, "So 4 tires and labor is $375 and and a wheel alignment is a separate $99.95?" "That's right. Not all places you call are going to tell you that you need one after putting on new tires." Me: "And this is including the sale price of the tires?" Asshole: "Yes ma'am."

3 phone calls later, I found the right price. $47 per tire. Free alignment inspection (and no, you don't need an alignment after putting on new tires). $293 total. When I got there, tire guy came outside to look at the tires, he had kind eyes so I asked, "I don't mean to sound stupid, but does it even look like I need new tires?" He smiled and graciously pointed out all the cracks and said it seemed I had all the original tires on the car. Inside he told me that if I want to spend $3 more per tire, for a better tire, they are offering a $50 rebate. Total with rebate: $256.

Sorry, wasn't taken today Asshole. Hope you go out of business soon!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

C-Squared

The thing I like about weddings is that everyone beams their happiness and love onto others. It's like everyone is on ecstasy--all smilely, touchy-feely and thirsty for a drink.

I sat next to a charming couple named Chuck and Carmine--they were probably in their mid-60's, but they were young and vivacious. She told about their recent trip to Vegas and how they loved this dueling piano bar. Chuck and I talked about jazz. They told a sweet story about how when they travel they have to give the dog "doggie prozac." I wanted to hug them and take them home with me--but instead I invited myself to go boating with them (they keep a boat a Montrose Harbor-I've been looking for someone with a boat for a long time now.)

But what I loved about them is that she couldn't keep her hands off him-not in a gross "60-somethings-making-out" kinda way, but an arm around the shoulder, a kiss on the cheek, a squeeze of a hand--and he didn't take his eyes off of her when she got up to do the electric slide.

I wanted to ask what their secret was--I wanted to know how they kept it so alive. I wanted to know where to get Carmine's vivacious spirit and where I would have to go to pick up a Chuck.

There is so much I want to know.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Martha and Me

The mini-obession started a couple of weeks ago--I was at my sisters on Rosh Hashanah and caught Martha Stewart's new talk show. I had read about it in magazines and newspaper articles--they all said things like "it's the softer side of Martha."

I watched a pregnant Jennifer Garner make baby food with her and in a separate segment Martha showed her new and different ways to use a digital camera and computer to make the perfect baby announcements. And they were perfectly lovely. And I sorta fell in love too.

Last week due to Yom Kippur I had another two days off of work. I tuned into Martha and was taken by her as she showed a previously filmed segment in which some quaint town grows huge pumpkins and then they carve them into little boats, decorate them and race. She made beautiful glittery pumpkin centerpieces and invited a long-time fan--a school principal with a thick southern accent--to cook with her. He gushed just the right amount while telling her about collecting all of her magazines--and how he was the first one at Wal Mart or something at
12:01 am to buy her new collection of DVDs.

Martha has never been better, she smiles and makes witty remarks--she tells stories about jokes she has pulled at dinner parties such as placing plastic bugs in the food.

Today, having 2 more holidays off of work--I did the unthinkable.

I had already been to the gym, had breakfast, showered and dressed, ready to run out to do errands--but it was 10 am--I was going to miss Martha. And she was having on the author of this new book I've been reading about everywhere called Julie and Julia --what was a girl to do? So I put in a tape and set the VCR.

I later went to Crate and Barell to get a wedding gift--the only decent thing left on the registry under $50 was a carving board and platter--the store clerk-a Where's Waldo look alike-went "down to the basement" to retrieve one and I started wondering around the stores convincing myself I needed things like a flora baby bundt pan or a mini-loaf pan to make banana bread--finally Waldo found me in all my "I wanna be like Martha" tizzy and said my package would be at the counter waiting. I had an overly caffeinated freak-out, saying I was ready to check out now before I convinced myself I needed baby bundt pan and confessing that Crate and Barell can really make a single person feel inadequate. Waldo sounded like he heard this "single girl argument"before, saying I could create a registry for my birthday, or for a new apartment. I should--after the $100's I've invested into the blessed day for others. It's payback time I thought for a split second--then I realized it would be plain sad. The optimist in me says, I'll have day of registry at some point.

After I took myself to a chick flick today (In Her Shoes), I went to the Border's down the street to get some decaf and look around. I picked up the Julie and Julia book, the current issues of Martha Stewart Living and Health and and had a seat in the cafe. The first few pages of Julie and Julia sucked me in--I had a gift card in my purse and just knew I had to have it--hardcover and all.

Then I opened the Living magazine, and the page I happen to open to had a picture of a big, delicious looking Chocolate and Ginger Bundt Cake on it. Oh the irony.

I think I've been over Martha'd.

And I need to go back to work.


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Sound of Silence

I have been taking late afternoon or early evening walks around my neighborhood lately. I don't put on headphones, or walk at any particular pace--I just walk, like in a conscious trance. I'm aware of all that is around me. The old houses built close together, the chairs, swings and toys on the front porch, the couples holding hands pushing a stroller or walking their dog, the multi-generational families getting out of the car and heading towards the red front door and the leaves in their stages of color crunching under my feet. I can't help but smile when I see the neighborhood kids tossing a ball or playing tag as the air begins to crisp and at any moment they will probably be called into dinner in their houses that seem so inviting.

I picture what the houses look like inside and picture myself walking barefoot on the wood floors hearing the creeks and whistle of the radiator. I can see myself standing in the kitchen chopping vegetables and making a hearty soup or stew from scratch or laying on a cushy couch reading in front of the big front window.

A sense of warmth emanate from these houses and I see the possibilities of what life can someday be.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I Heart Beck

Last night I crawled into bed at 8 pm and was flipping through the five or so channels I get in semi-clearly with an antenna and found Beck on the PBS concert show Austin City Limits . He started off playing two melancholy songs on acoustic guitar solo in the spotlight. For the third, he put down his guitar, grabbed the microphone in one hand, a harmonica in the other, got the audience to clap and stomp their feet and played a little ditty. It brought back a memory of a Beck concert I went to almost 10 years ago at Metro. He was fresh with the hit Loser which I thought was destined to be a one-hit wonder, but he proved me wrong as he danced across pulling kids up on stage to beat box with him. He was a natural perforer and I actually I developed a school girl crush on his naturally "hipster" look, and after last night--the crush is definitely back.

I have always loved musicians who experiment with sound--after doing a few numbers with the Flaming Lips accompanying him on stage, he was alone in the spotlight again kneeling down in front of a Harmonium crooning one of his darker songs. While some people--including myself, hated Sea Change when it first came out, others loved it. It took me awhile to erase the upbeat Odelay and Mellow Gold sounds out of my head and appreciate what he had done with this new album. Beck constructed a melancholy, vulnerable and beautiful album. He experimented with a new sound and it worked. Very few artists can pull that off successfully and that is why he has had loyal followers for so long.

Another cool thing about Beck is although a lot of his tracks experiment with various instruments and electronica, he still finds a way to perform them in concert similar to how they are on CD. He finally danced his ole' Beck way while Flaming Lips played "Where It's At," in a sad way, the dancing looked forced, and his energy seemed to come only when he stopped dancing but leaned over playing the keyboard. I guess a true musician is happier experimenting than having to play the same tired songs again and again. Tired or not, he did look cute dancing.